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Chicago Book Stop

This picture, from the reading at the wonderful bookstore Women and Children First, was sent in by Yanique--thanks! It was a great event. I got lots of questions about Buddhism (check my site for the article of Buddhism in the Black community with Lama Choyin Rangdrol) and balancing family and career. More on that to come, but in the meantime check out equallysharedparenting.com for a look at how some progressive parents are doing it. Other amazing sites for moms: mothersoughttohaveequalrights.org and singlemothers.org.

In Phoenix I had great fun with TV host Pat McMahon and a super groovy time with the host of Arizona Midday, four months pregnant herself.

More from LA soon...

peace and love,
Rebecca
April 3rd, 2007

Comments:

Comment #1 by Danielle's Daily life on April 4, 2007 - 12:12am

I liked the links to the websites that you posted- particularly "Equally shared parenting". I always thought that when I had kids, I would stay home, but now that I am expecting my first, a big change of heart is taking place (especially since I am seeing first hand how much my husband is "into" the baby). I simply feel this way- that my husband has to work, and he is also going to parent Annaliese, raise her, be there for her, teach her valuable lessons, and so on. We are *sharing these things with each other, automatically. I am not doing all of that on my own. Even if I SAH, he'd still be doing all of this for her. Therefore, for me personally, it would only be fair if I shared breadwinning with him. Everything's shared all the way around. The couple that maintains this website does a great job of putting the way I feel into words. The main objection that most everyone has for me going back to work is that they think "My whole check will pay for daycare."It seems as if people just assume this without doing the actual math. I looked at several options, and none come close to "my whole check". And I work for a non-profit! On some of the mother's rights websites, there are women with very lucrative careers (corporate attorney for example) stating that daycare takes up their entire salary. Maybe I am blessed to live in an area with a low cost of living. Also- the "mommy wars" don't just include the war over SAH/WOH. They are fighting about everything. Notice the blood sport that breast vs. bottle has become. They fight over schooling choices, diapering choices, how to put the baby to bed, WHERE to put the baby to bed, and a thousand other things. Having worked with severely abused children myself, it's hard for me to see the big deal. There is a lot of judgment out there for moms, but 99% of it is being done *by* moms. So, if you want to stop all the blame and finger pointing, (You collectively), then it really does start with you...

Comment #2 by kari on April 4, 2007 - 3:17pm

Danielle's Daily life:I just started reading "The Feminine Mistake" by Leslie Bennetts and think you would probably enjoy it. (Amazon link: http://www.amazon.com/Feminine-Mistake-Are-Giving-Much/dp/1401303064/ref...)

Comment #3 by chris peters on April 5, 2007 - 4:27pm

Kari and DanielleThe Feminie Mistake really sums up the big picture, similar to what Danielle is saying. The media makes money by promoting the mommy wars. Most moms out there know there is no war, we are all doing whatever it is that we have to do. great recomendation!chris peters

Comment #4 by Amy on April 5, 2007 - 5:38pm

Rebecca,Thank you for referring others to our website, www.equallysharedparenting.com. My husband and I are passionate about bringing this parenting lifestyle into focus as a way to create balanced and gender-equal lives as parents. We will eagerly check out your new book, and wish you the best on your book tour! -Amy (amy@equallysharedparenting.com)

Comment #5 by Danielle's Daily life on April 7, 2007 - 9:58am

"The media makes money by promoting the mommy wars. Most moms out there know there is no war, we are all doing whatever it is that we have to do."Hmm, that makes sense. Sometimes, I read a forum, debating sah/woh. The women on there pretty much claim to have these bigshot careers (lawyer, CEO, etc) and also raising children. But- they all seem to be on that forum all day long. I have wondered in the past if they were being paid to promote a certain viewpoint. Not too many people can spend all day online when they have a family and a 7 figure career. I checked out "The feminine mistake". I don't know, but it seems a little like another "Get to Work" by Linda Hirshman. Knowing what's best for you personally is good, but I don't think we can pretend to know what's best for everyone else. I see "mommy wars" in real life (ie, not in the media) ALL THE TIME. Feels like high school.

Comment #6 by mwilli on April 7, 2007 - 1:53pm

Rebecca,I am still waiting for my copy of Baby Love to arrive from Amazon, but I just wanted to take time to say that you are one of my favorite authors. I love how you're so open to explaining your life experiences. I am a mother of four children and one of them is my stepdaughter. Although I do love her very much and have helped to raise her with my husband for the last 10 years,(she is 14 now), I am afraid I do not have the same bond with her as I do my three other biological children ages 13, 9 and 5. It is true how you love each one in different ways because each of them has their own personality, and I can tell it bothers to a point because I don't have any stories of when she was kicking me inside the womb or being able to describe her as a baby as I do with my other children. It doesn't help that she only has a cell phone relationship with her biological mother. I just worry about her especially because she is not one to share how she feels inside. I know you've helped to raise your ex-partner's son and he is considerably older now, but how does he feel about your biological child?

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